Many years ago (at least 30!) I had the privilege of hearing the Esteemed Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis speak. (If you do not recognize them- google it.) During the Q&A someone asked something to the effect of with both of you having full blown careers, who takes care of the home? Ruby answered," Well after some soul searching we both agreed we needed a wife, so we hired one!" At 58 I finally knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, a writer and a preacher, of sorts, but subsequently it fell to me to take care of my mother, who has fairly advanced dementia, albeit pleasant dementia. She now lives with us and I am struggling to have a life besides her care and running our household. All things being equal I would be suffering empty nest syndrome about now, since I took my baby off to college in NYC last Monday and my eldest moved out into a house of her own in July- but here I am managing my mothers care.
Shortly after my mother moved in, someone (no one has owned up to it yet) left a book outside my bedroom door with the title. The 36 Hour Day; Taking Care of a Loved One With Dementia (0r some such). Oh, yes! that's why feel exhausted all the time! Often when I tell people that I have care of my mother they say something sympathetic and then ask where she is living.When I say,, I mean that she is living with me and I am caring for her, then either their eyes bug-out or they are speechless. Once they recover, they call me a saint, which I am clearly not- but it is at least momentarily gratifying.
About a week ago a friend was telling me that her brother and sister-in-law are taking care of her father who also has dementia. She mentioned they are also exhausted and they have 16 hour-a-day care for him, in the home. Wow, I am struggling to get even 8 hours a day! In fact, my summer student help just had her last day yesterday and I am frantically trying to hie a replacement. Since I am also determined to do the writing and preaching that I had already committed myself to before taking on my mother which will require going away for periods of time, I need to have adequate help in place to make this happen.
Over the summer I did some experimenting- we went away for 3 different weeks, on vacation with various family members. It was only partially successful- lots of glitches, tho nothing too serious. But I just realized that what was lacking was an overall manager, aka a wife to over see all the pieces, fill in when necessary, listen when things don't go well, encourage when needed and draw the line when necessary.
So far only one person has shown much interest and I am not sure she knows what she'd be getting into! This whole thing makes me think somebody should start a business, forget life coaches, what we most of us need is a wife! Wish me luck!
Shortly after my mother moved in, someone (no one has owned up to it yet) left a book outside my bedroom door with the title. The 36 Hour Day; Taking Care of a Loved One With Dementia (0r some such). Oh, yes! that's why feel exhausted all the time! Often when I tell people that I have care of my mother they say something sympathetic and then ask where she is living.When I say,, I mean that she is living with me and I am caring for her, then either their eyes bug-out or they are speechless. Once they recover, they call me a saint, which I am clearly not- but it is at least momentarily gratifying.
About a week ago a friend was telling me that her brother and sister-in-law are taking care of her father who also has dementia. She mentioned they are also exhausted and they have 16 hour-a-day care for him, in the home. Wow, I am struggling to get even 8 hours a day! In fact, my summer student help just had her last day yesterday and I am frantically trying to hie a replacement. Since I am also determined to do the writing and preaching that I had already committed myself to before taking on my mother which will require going away for periods of time, I need to have adequate help in place to make this happen.
Over the summer I did some experimenting- we went away for 3 different weeks, on vacation with various family members. It was only partially successful- lots of glitches, tho nothing too serious. But I just realized that what was lacking was an overall manager, aka a wife to over see all the pieces, fill in when necessary, listen when things don't go well, encourage when needed and draw the line when necessary.
So far only one person has shown much interest and I am not sure she knows what she'd be getting into! This whole thing makes me think somebody should start a business, forget life coaches, what we most of us need is a wife! Wish me luck!
