My mother's main problem is boredom. Since she has dementia and her short
term memory is shot and there are serious holes in her long term memory,
conversation is almost impossible. She can only talk about things she can see
right now, right here, the coffee, the food, the dishes, the snow on the
ground, how cold it is, the coffee, the food the dishes... you get the idea.
Mom was a good cook and a great baker,
she used to be quite the seamstress, too. She can still do the Charleston,
though a pretty low-key version.
What a dancer she used to be! Most of these she cannot do now, not even
a little. So she watches a lot of
old movies, musicals are the best because they are happier (she can get pretty
upset at scary or mean things). We
have gotten pretty sick of the Music Man, her favorite, which she sometimes
watches 2 times a day!
So what's to do? A little over a year ago when my sister
sent her to a senior day care center, she seemed to enjoy bingo quite a
bit. But she made it clear that
she did not want to go to THAT place ever again. Perhaps in the warm weather
she and Judy, one of her caretakers, could wander by the neighborhood senior
center for lunch, bingo (if they have it ) and dancing. My guess is that she
has forgotten about the other one by now.
I honestly didn't think, Mom would live this long. She has
had this slow moving kind of dementia for 10 years now. Her older brother had something very
similar and died at age 88. Mom's birthday is in a few weeks and she will be
87. So, in all likelihood she will
be around for, at least, another year. Solving the boredom problem is
essential.
She browses the newspaper, but often gets upset at all the
bad news. I had decided to stop
getting the paper, except the Sunday edition, sure that it would serve her
needs all week, but my husband signed us up for another 6 months before we had
had a chance to check in with each other about it.
One morning a week a friend
with an 18 month old comes over and hangs out with Mom, which she absolutely
loves. She adores babies. It tires
her out, but that's OK. Shortly after this started about 5 months ago, I asked
another friend whose child is a bit older, but that didn't work out, and its probably
for the best since Ellie is really beyond the age that enthralls Mom. I should
check in with Asa whose son Ely is only a few months old, since they now live
in the neighborhood.
In her little trailer on the bayou in Tarpon Springs,
Florida, Mom had taken to virtually plastering the walls and cabinets with
family pictures and odd little newspaper clippings. At least, they seemed odd to me. Now I see that they could have been a way to stimulate her
memories. Mostly they were color
photos with captions of wildlife and events in and around Tarpon Springs. Some were photos of the impressionist
masterpieces that she loved.
Although I have already put up maps in the 2 spots she sits
for hours a day in our house, and also a cat calendar which she enjoys, I see
now that I should put up a lot more stuff. The trouble is our local newspaper
only carries BAD news. I am not
joking. Yesterday I looked though the paper to find something to put up and
could find nothing! Maybe I could
clip some interesting pictures out of old National Geographics.
Since starting to write this- I find writing often helps me
to understand what's going on- I talked with Judy, suggesting that when the
weather permits she try walking around the corner with Mom to the Senior
Center. That very afternoon she took Mom over there and they had lunch ($1) and
played bingo and did a little dancing! Yay! But, now I have to register
Mom. I talked to the administrator
who is very nice and got the lowdown on how to register her. Unfortunately Mom
has no current documentation of how old she is! I am sure I will sort it out in
the end, even if we have to get her a non-drivers ID. (I can just imagine us waiting in that line for hours, and
Mom asking me over and over again why we are there!)
Another thought I had was to get more children's books. Mom actually likes to read them. Sometimes she even reads them to the 5 year old who has been staying with us! She can no longer read full length novels, both the small print and memory loss prevent any sustained reading. Perhaps I can find some of the old children's books she used to read to me when I was little. Thrift store here I come!