I woke up this morning wondering how to celebrate my birthday... 58!!! None of the things I could think of cut it, so I prayed, asking for guidance from that which we call God. As soon as I did, it became clear that what I wanted was to manifest the love that is in my heart, the love that I have been given, but so often fail to share with others. I realized that this meant, just going about my usual day, accepting what came along, I was game.
So, I got up and was making my breakfast when the doorbell rang. It was Harvey, the neighborhood man who goes door to door asking for gardening work. I felt the beginnings of annoyance that he so often has evoked in me in the past. I mean, come on, I hadn't even had my breakfast yet! But I caught myself, before that could cloud my mind/heart too much and remembered my prayer. (Was this a test?) I didn't think I had any work for him today. But I greeted him cheerfully and we walked around our small yard looking for what might need attention.
About a month ago, upon my return from a trip, I realized that I wanted to treat everyone with the respect and love they are due, to the extent that I am able, asking for help as needed. I determined very quickly, that in relation to Harvey, it meant that I would offer him work if there was any, and food, if there was no work, and that I would always treat him with the kindness and courtesy that I would want for myself. (Why is it so hard to treat people asking for a handout with kindness and respect? For me, I am beginning to realize that I feel uncomfortable being asked for things that I cannot give, or do not think it would be wise to give. No one likes being uncomfortable, least of all, me. So, therefore, I get annoyed, I make the person asking for something 'the problem', just wanting them to go away and stop making me feel this way!) But, it is not always easy to have my intentions bear fruit.
Much to my surprise there were some things that needed attention. When he was finished and I paid him, I took the time to tell him something I had been meaning to say. I let him know that I could only use his services once a week, but that I would be happy to give him something to eat, if he ever needed. He smiled and said, "OK, see you Saturday morning!" I can only imagined that I looked a bit dismayed when I blurted, "Oh, no not Saturday morning, never come on Saturday mornings! My husband and I like to stay in bed late- and you know what he is like when he is disturbed!" (Harvey has had a couple of run-ins with my husband, at the wrong time!) Harvey laughed and agreed and we parted with smiles on our faces.
It is a gorgeous sunny day, so I took one of the books I have been reading and studying out to the back yard with my second cup of coffee and sat enjoying the sunshine, bird calls and spring breeze while I read and wrote notes to my hearts content. But then, Judy, the woman who helps out with the care of my 86 year old mother who has fairly severe dementia, came out with Mom's breakfast tray, my mother coming along shortly. Without being conscious of it I got annoyed, this time, fully, before I caught myself. Since my mother lives with me full time, now, I find myself in this position at least once a day, I am loathe to admit. I could have removed myself, but something made me stay. After merely a few sentences passed between us, my mother got up and left, throwing away her bagel and taking her coffee inside where she dumped it into the sink! Ugh! I was definitely NOT manifesting love. I stopped what I was doing and went inside to apologize. But here is where dementia is a blessing. Although she was still a bit cranky, she didn't really know why because she couldn't remember what had happened! I wasn't sure what to do, my mind was failing me, so I went with my heart and invited Mom to take a walk with me.
We had a lovely walk. Here's where her dementia is also a blessing. Everything seems new to her, so she exclaims over every flower and tree, the sunshine and the gentle breezes too! (Now, if it was cold out, she wouldn't even go outside- she hates the cold! But even sitting at the kitchen table, she will exclaim at the sunshine, leaves blowing or birds that come to the feeder that she can see from the warmth of our kitchen! It can get on one's nerves when she does it over and over again- but most of the time I can appreciate the now-ness of it). We walked to the cafe 2 and 1/2 blocks from our door and shared a light lunch, then walked back. It was OK.
Mom has gone upstairs to take a nap. Its the last day of my youngest daughter's spring break. She and some of her high school friends are hanging out. Kate, my oldest daughter, who has Down syndrome, is working with her life coach, baking something or other. I made reservations at a local restaurant for my birthday dinner tonight. I wonder what the rest of the day will bring? Whatever it brings, I hope I can continue to have a grateful heart, forgiving myself, when I falter, enjoying the life that I have and cherishing the opportunities that come.
So, I got up and was making my breakfast when the doorbell rang. It was Harvey, the neighborhood man who goes door to door asking for gardening work. I felt the beginnings of annoyance that he so often has evoked in me in the past. I mean, come on, I hadn't even had my breakfast yet! But I caught myself, before that could cloud my mind/heart too much and remembered my prayer. (Was this a test?) I didn't think I had any work for him today. But I greeted him cheerfully and we walked around our small yard looking for what might need attention.
About a month ago, upon my return from a trip, I realized that I wanted to treat everyone with the respect and love they are due, to the extent that I am able, asking for help as needed. I determined very quickly, that in relation to Harvey, it meant that I would offer him work if there was any, and food, if there was no work, and that I would always treat him with the kindness and courtesy that I would want for myself. (Why is it so hard to treat people asking for a handout with kindness and respect? For me, I am beginning to realize that I feel uncomfortable being asked for things that I cannot give, or do not think it would be wise to give. No one likes being uncomfortable, least of all, me. So, therefore, I get annoyed, I make the person asking for something 'the problem', just wanting them to go away and stop making me feel this way!) But, it is not always easy to have my intentions bear fruit.
Much to my surprise there were some things that needed attention. When he was finished and I paid him, I took the time to tell him something I had been meaning to say. I let him know that I could only use his services once a week, but that I would be happy to give him something to eat, if he ever needed. He smiled and said, "OK, see you Saturday morning!" I can only imagined that I looked a bit dismayed when I blurted, "Oh, no not Saturday morning, never come on Saturday mornings! My husband and I like to stay in bed late- and you know what he is like when he is disturbed!" (Harvey has had a couple of run-ins with my husband, at the wrong time!) Harvey laughed and agreed and we parted with smiles on our faces.
It is a gorgeous sunny day, so I took one of the books I have been reading and studying out to the back yard with my second cup of coffee and sat enjoying the sunshine, bird calls and spring breeze while I read and wrote notes to my hearts content. But then, Judy, the woman who helps out with the care of my 86 year old mother who has fairly severe dementia, came out with Mom's breakfast tray, my mother coming along shortly. Without being conscious of it I got annoyed, this time, fully, before I caught myself. Since my mother lives with me full time, now, I find myself in this position at least once a day, I am loathe to admit. I could have removed myself, but something made me stay. After merely a few sentences passed between us, my mother got up and left, throwing away her bagel and taking her coffee inside where she dumped it into the sink! Ugh! I was definitely NOT manifesting love. I stopped what I was doing and went inside to apologize. But here is where dementia is a blessing. Although she was still a bit cranky, she didn't really know why because she couldn't remember what had happened! I wasn't sure what to do, my mind was failing me, so I went with my heart and invited Mom to take a walk with me.
We had a lovely walk. Here's where her dementia is also a blessing. Everything seems new to her, so she exclaims over every flower and tree, the sunshine and the gentle breezes too! (Now, if it was cold out, she wouldn't even go outside- she hates the cold! But even sitting at the kitchen table, she will exclaim at the sunshine, leaves blowing or birds that come to the feeder that she can see from the warmth of our kitchen! It can get on one's nerves when she does it over and over again- but most of the time I can appreciate the now-ness of it). We walked to the cafe 2 and 1/2 blocks from our door and shared a light lunch, then walked back. It was OK.
Mom has gone upstairs to take a nap. Its the last day of my youngest daughter's spring break. She and some of her high school friends are hanging out. Kate, my oldest daughter, who has Down syndrome, is working with her life coach, baking something or other. I made reservations at a local restaurant for my birthday dinner tonight. I wonder what the rest of the day will bring? Whatever it brings, I hope I can continue to have a grateful heart, forgiving myself, when I falter, enjoying the life that I have and cherishing the opportunities that come.
