(Note: this was published in the Friends Journal in December 1998, and an edited shortened version was published on the Editorial page of the Phila. Inquirer on Christmas Day that same year.)
I love this odd, wondrous time of year. The days grow darker and darker, the air colder and colder, yet while other animals hibernate, we humans light candles, sing carols, dance with joy and give each other gifts. I enjoy all the seasons, but have to admit that I like summer the best; I love to feel the warm air on my skin, eat local fruits and vegetables, and watch dolphins play in the water at sunset. But there is something so astounding about how we celebrate the light in the midst of darkness that makes me glad to be human and love this time of year anyway.
While everyone laments the commercialism of the season, I see something hopeful and heartwarming even in the worst of it. I used to think that Christmas lights were a waste of energy, but now every house ablaze with lights makes a smile break out on my face. The lights are joyful! No matter the reason, they make our block beautiful and safer to walk out on at night. And all this frantic running around buying gifts- most of it, even if misguided is an attempt to make someone else happy, to show someone else how much they are loved. Even Santa Clause adds a redeeming quality to the ridiculous spectacle of too many presents. Those families who practice the Santa fantasy, give most of their gifts anonymously, or , rather, pretend that the gifts they give each other are from an overgrown magical elf from the North Pole!
It still seems true, even with all the frantic shopping, wrapping and partying, that the sense of hope, indeed the deep longing around the globe for peace and prosperity for all, can actually be felt. It was at Christmastime that I learned that it was more fun to give than receive. I don't think it was merely my disappointment at almost never getting what I wanted- but, no, that's not exactly accurate either. I remember sometimes being sharply disappointed because I did not get what I had hoped for, but I also remember, the older I got, the more I had this vague sense of disappointment even when I did. I remember the first time I stayed up late to be one of Santa's helpers. I made my younger sisters a doll house out of cardboard and magazine pictures. It turned out rather well and I got this wonderful feeling doing it. This was much more fun than hoping for lots of presents and having to go to bed early even though you were too excited to sleep! Another time, my mother made all of us girls red flannel nightgowns, that we where not supposed to know about, of course. I secretly made each of us a pair of booties from the left over material and surprised everyone. That was fun!
Even now, when all the excitement of unwrapping presents is over, I feel disappointed. Of course, there is always a letdown after every climax. But I believe there is more to this than that. I think we humans have a natural, built-in desire for things to be right for everyone. During the Chanukah/Winter Solstice/Christmas season this longing is encouraged to bloom in full force and yet is also subverted into wanting and expecting presents. Whether we get the presents we want or not, the longing to have things right, or better in the world comes out in small and large acts of kindness and generosity, but is not entirely satisfied, if at all by them.
I think everyone one of us, who celebrates Christmas, wishes unconsciously that when we wake up on Christmas morning, all will be right with the world. Even though this means that we wake up and be disappointed that our deepest wish did not come true, just the fact that we wish it, and that we wish it in the darkest time of the year and that we light candles and sing about it, makes me love this season and appreciate human nature despite all else.
